I’m not dead… At least not yet

Before you say that’s a terrible title, I know. But it was the most fitting, after all WordPress kindly let me know it was 8 months since I last posted something, yeeesh. Talk about being seriously MIA. In all factualness I have been horrible at keeping my blog and probably if I was seeing a monthly charge on my card for it like kindle unlimited, I’d do a better job. 

That said I’m not dead, I mean I could be the way life is and all but I’m not. I imagine that is something to be thankful for and I truly am… Being a 20 year old now means I cant say I’m a teen yay me, Right? In a way growing up has been far from what I imagined it would be and I have to say its quite bland and morose, like getting to a store after closing time, or waking up at someone else’s house but forgetting how you even got there, something like that, the new adults should get what I mean, either way I’m here at this totally strange and awkward stage in life, and well I’m trying to make the best of it and figuring out where I am and and the big who I am and stuff like that. 
I’m still employed for the moment and so independence is still standing even if I have zero money management skills and have already endeared my money borrowing habits as “bailouts” hurrah aren’t I witty…

I’ve been reading a bit, especially lately since as I suggested earlier I own a kindle subscription which by the way is very great if you really like to read, nonetheless I’ve been reading a mix of genres from romance to mystery thrillers and so on and so forth, and between getting home and falling asleep I’m reading, its been particularly comforting to do at work.. It keeps the sleep away.

My last book I finally finished after pausing it to read another boom which I finished and both were great, apparently romance trumps suspense in my literature palette…who knew? Nevertheless both were good reads and I enjoyed them the last of which was about secrets and family and themes of that nature and had a nice tug at the heart strings ending, my next book which I started shortly after is also a nice tug at the heart strings a mix of loss, death and comedy even if light Comedy, still comedy. Because you can never get enough comedy.

My book did get me thinking about life though and its completely consistent inconsistency and the way it doesn’t always swing our way, and even when it does it doesn’t. I’ve experienced a lot in life and I suppose I’ll experience a lot more, but I suppose I should be thankful for the real and true people I found out of those experiences and situations, the people you meet and want to hold Unto, and that’s something I hope everyone gets to encounter.

Beau and I are still taking it a day at a time, and I’m happy to have them by my side, my anxiety is still here but I am working on it constantly, even if I still sometimes catch myself grinding my teeth or my palms starting to sweat when I’m having an entirely internal collapse. Beau understands this now and it makes for a far more pleasant relationship.

I typed this all on my phone while my very hungry cat purred his disapproval with my lack of attention to him, so I should go feed him and at least have myself a sandwich for dinner. I won’t make promises I can’t keep, but I might even blog tomorrow if I can keep my mojo going. 
Wishing you well from a not dead 20 year old, with his heads still in the clouds.


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