The memoire of a socially anxious working teen

As usual i’ll start my post with an apology for my complete absence, between the business of work and my rigorous schedule I have had little time for anything else besides the eat sleep routine.
I suppose work has defined me lately and I find myself having dreams about possible scenarios that can happen at work. I spend a lot of my mornings pining over dreams about work and being anxious.

In retrospect my anxiety has improved significantly and I am grateful to my muse for making that happen, they have given me a lot more anticipation of the future and things to come, and they help keep me grounded especially when I can feel my anxiety boiling, I am open about my anxiety with them and they always reassure me when they sense my tension which is really great.

Today I got to work hours before my shift and spent majority of the time sitting. I’d left out with my mom and took her shoe shopping then she went to work and I went to mine, on the bus I did a lot of thinking and this blog was prewritten
I had a lot of thoughts about the environment around me and how I fit into it, while passing over the bridge that cuts across the harbor I watched the still sea and the shimmering reflection of the afternoon sun, the fishermen pulling nets oblivious to their distant observer , the quiet lull of the buses engine added to the atmosphere of my thoughts I cuddled closer to the window peering out at the lanes and the passing people and I wondered what they were thinking, how their days were going, and whether they were happy, I couldn’t decide from just looking but I wished them the best… As the bus rushed on, eventually it was my time to get off and I felt the anxiousness build, looking around for the buzzer I found myself to be inconveniently seated between them, close enough to see but too far to not have an awkward fumble with the woman next to me and that fueled my anxiety, luckily I wasn’t the only one getting out and the bells toll settled me, I eased past the woman slightly bumping two or three passengers before getting out and not looking back in the event they were scowling, I wasn’t in the mood to see that and I mentally apologized to them.
I got through the front doors of my building and sauntered around the corner to my locker and prepared for the wait until my shift, coyly smiling at coworkers and trying with some effort to keep my anxiety in check.

In all work has changed my life in more ways than one and while I enjoy the perks, I have had a completely new perspective to work with, being socially anxious has made that a lot more difficult and I am thankful to my muse for the role they play in my improvement.

Thank you for reading, I hope you are all well.

Until next, time keep your head in the clouds ☁ xoxo

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