Today was perhaps one of the longest days I have ever had, and surprisingly I actually don’t mean that in an unpleasant way, in fact as long as it was, it was a good day, and I’ll take as many good days as I can get. I woke up around 10 or so this morning by that time the house was quiet and everyone had gone off to work, and I drew my curtains and the sky looked like rain, and I was happy because nothing beats being home alone and rain “…In my book anyway…”, I eased out of bed and my feet were greeted by cold tiles, and the eyes of the koi in my aquarium trailed me, I found that breakfast was left for me and that was nice, the house was quiet and undisturbed and I revelled in it.
I’m not antisocial or an introvert but somehow this was something that i have come to enjoy of late, it soothes my anxiety and that is very pleasant indeed. I didn’t turn on the T.V because really who even watches that anymore? “…not this guy to say the least…”, so instead I sat in the couch, and contemplated whether I was going to stop by work or not, I brooded over the thought for a while but ultimately procrastinated it away, not that I should have been there anyway I’m “on call”. After breakfast part 2(which by the way is an aspect of me eating-my-way-through-depression) I decided to maybe catch up the internet and all that may have happened while I was asleep, “…not much, regrettably…”
As I brooded over what to do I remembered an animated series I had watched some time ago before my attention span deteriorated and I just couldn’t get around to finishing it, fortunately it was only two seasons and I was well into the second season so I didn’t have to worry about new episodes or any of that crazy business, just to watch the few remaining ones, I managed to do that today and that was very satisfying.
Earlier before starting to writing this I told a friend of mine that I would mention them, they gave slight protest, in which case I got my way, Its funny though since I don’t know them well enough to say anything that would be defacing character or anything of the sort, what I do know is that we’ve grown apart, and the sudden flush of interest that they seem to have for me lately, is incredibly heart warming, and they are probably going to read this and have no idea that I had this feeling, but things are easier to say here than in a closed conversation “…I’d probably never say it to their face…or worse text it”. The way we met was either a tremendous accident or ironic fate, but either way there was an instant connection and I was charmed by them, and they probably enjoyed my straightforwardness, we grew close and shared moments that were simple and yet none like I’ve had before, they were memorable and special but most of all they were effortless.
I can’t imagine how different my life would be without them, and despite being insanely terrified of expressing how much I missed them for fear of seeming overbearing and clingy I stuck it out silently under the guise of being busy, and having huge internal debates about why they haven’t returned my calls or replied to my 3rd text in the same day, but somehow I didn’t have to because all I needed to do was to be patient and not to over think it and just let it flow and as anxious as I was today when I left to go pick up chinese for dinner I was happy, because I could rest assured that my best accident ever didn’t hate me or forget me, but was just trying to live their life, the way you and I should try to live ours.
As always thanks for reading.
Stay cozy :)